i think i spend too much of my time pretending to be places i'm not and spending time with people i'm not really spending time with. i have a sort of false reality that i use to try and boost my self esteem. but in this false reality i am not the person that i know i really am. in the false reality, i'm thin and attractive to the opposite sex. i am smooth and funny and easy to get along with. i am good at everything i try. you would have thought i would have left this behind in high school, but i have never been comfortable in my own skin. i feel like this other katie, the false katie i have dreamt up in my head, is actually the real me hiding behind the mess of who i am.
i am not an unhappy person. i try to find something positive about everyday of my life. i'm confident about where i am, who i spend my time with, and activities i participate in. but for some reason this false katie is always there to remind me that i could be so much better. and i'd like to believe that that's true.
1 comment:
...i do think that we all can be better, and to constantly work towards becoming a better person by making small but significant choices is definitely important.
that being said, lately i have found how important it is to simply be secure and happy in who you are. a particular close friend in my life presently means a lot to me, and it's almost painful for him to see me acting insecurely, or assuming that i'm not wanted--and a lot of times it's subconscious! though sometimes he can point things out kinda harshly, in the end it's what i want, because he's challenging me to be better, and one of those ways to be better is by accepting and embracing fully who i am now.
you're beautiful, inside and out. an amazingly intelligent, witty, fun woman that i am so blessed to know. and i'm glad you're finding things you like about your life and yourself. but i firmly believe you should be comfortable in your own skin. you are wonderful and i look up to and love you dearly.
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