"you violated me."

Everyday is a new adventure in the carlizkatie household.

EDIT: not only was i accused of taking off liz's clothes and placing them on the couch earlier today, but car also tried to push me out of the house and then cornered me with her butt dance. EVERYDAY this happens, only in different forms. and i NEVER participate in the craziness. NEVER................

Things..

Sometimes I don't really understand people who have no ambition or drive to try and be better than they were the day before. Working somewhere like Hollywood Video and Blockbuster has given me the opportunity to meet people who live a lifestyle I have never been able to even begin to understand. One person lives in a house with about 9 other people, sleeps all day, parties every weekend, and works when he has to. That's his whole existence. He doesn't want a better job, he's never wanted to go to college, he doesn't have any clear goals he wants to accomplish before he dies, he just lives this lifestyle where he sleeps and parties. I don't understand that. Not that I necessarily have to or that I judge him for choosing to live the way he lives, but I just don't understand it. What motivates him to get out of bed in the late afternoon? I would not want to be alive.

I have a greater appreciation for my roommates every day. I love that we all come from pretty different backgrounds and have discussions about all different things. I continue to learn more and more and from them and I can feel myself beginning to change (in good ways) by trying to look through their experiences. Growing up is an interesting thing.

I need to take walks. I need to take walks. I need to take walks.

Homemade Peppermint Marshmallows.

I just got another overwhelming feeling of love and attachment to Portland. I seriously am so happy to be here and to be on my own and to be starting something that could potentially boost me to where I wanna go in life. It's crazy how I never in a million years thought that I would be in Oregon. Weird.

My improv class started on Tuesday and I'm really hopeful. There are definitely things I have to work on, but that's true for everyone. It's intimidating to be kinda just thrown into it, but really, there isn't any other way to do it. I just wish I had done better on my last scene. It would have been hilarious, but I totally bombed it. It's ok, it's bound to happen. It's a nice size class and I hope to make some friends in the process. I'm actually kinda in disbelief about the whole situation, but we'll see what happens. And my first scene got a big laugh, so there's that. :P

Other than that, my life just keeps moving forward. Work is work and it sucks, but at least I have a cool group of people to work with. That makes it much nicer. I'm trying to find more places to eat and hang out in Portland. I have eaten at Hub brewery which was delicious and they make all organic beer that is delicious, and I had a hot chocolate with a homemade pepppermint marshmallow. It was the most amazing cup of hot chocolate. Also, a little coffee shop call Lovecup makes my life a better place.




Just another reason why I love Portland so much.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board.

My new obsession is horror movies from the 90's. I never watched any when they first came out, so now I'm going through them.

Improv class starts tomorrow. Wish me luck!

This is where I live now.

I'm in love with oregon.

something

i think i spend too much of my time pretending to be places i'm not and spending time with people i'm not really spending time with. i have a sort of false reality that i use to try and boost my self esteem. but in this false reality i am not the person that i know i really am. in the false reality, i'm thin and attractive to the opposite sex. i am smooth and funny and easy to get along with. i am good at everything i try. you would have thought i would have left this behind in high school, but i have never been comfortable in my own skin. i feel like this other katie, the false katie i have dreamt up in my head, is actually the real me hiding behind the mess of who i am.

i am not an unhappy person. i try to find something positive about everyday of my life. i'm confident about where i am, who i spend my time with, and activities i participate in. but for some reason this false katie is always there to remind me that i could be so much better. and i'd like to believe that that's true.

Weird Dreams

So apparently watching Paranormal State and Pineapple Express in the same week will give you really messed up dreams.

It's been a really great couple weeks and things look like they are just going to get better. I'm so happy I'm here.

Even having a customer yell at me couldn't bring me down at work. I was just hoping he was going to get really out of hand so that I could ask him to leave. I really wanted to ask him to leave. But no such luck. He asked me to close his account and he walked out, probably calling me bad names in a another language, on the phone.

I had forgotten how awesome Freaks and Geeks was and how I am forever indebted to a Mr. Matthew Thornton for giving me the gift of Freaks and Geeks which I still have hidden away on my macbook.

My roommates are cool.

My life will never be the same again.

the map of the most incredible bookstore i have ever been inside of.

thank you portland.

Today

I feel like this is the 100% right place, I'm meant to be here, this is exactly what I should be doing with my life kind of day.

i like these kinds of days lots and lots.